tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6494344239532103522024-02-07T07:59:50.011-05:00News PrincessAlexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-649434423953210352.post-17448634706687266302011-01-10T05:24:00.002-05:002011-01-10T05:28:47.597-05:00Rejection is God’s projectionI was watching the E! entertainment channel of all things last night, when a one-hour special came on about Katy Perry. Up to that point, I only had known a few things about her: she put out a gospel album while she was a teenager, she sang “I Kissed a Girl” and a few other pop hits, and she married British comedian/actor Russell Brand last year. She’s different and intriguing and I found myself watching the show.<br /><br />I did not know, up until that show last night, that she quit school in freshman year, got her GED, eventually moved to Hollywood as a young adult. She tried and tried for years to break into the business. Her car was re-possessed twice. She was essentially broke. However, she continued to run with the in-crowd, put up the façade that she was successful – eating only a salad or baked potato at a restaurant dinner with friends – so they wouldn’t know she couldn’t afford anything else. She was picked up by two labels during her first years in CA, and subsequently dropped. She told herself if she didn’t make it by 25, she would find a new path for herself. At that point in the documentary, she turned to the camera, smiled and said:<br /><br />“Rejection is God’s projection.”<br /><br />That phrase hit me like a brick.<br /><br />I have been searching for a sign that things in my life will turn around, and in that split second I got the message I needed to hear.<br /><br />Two and a half years of pushing and shoving my way into a new profession, resumes that end up black holes, a few fruitless job interviews, money struggles. The list goes on and my patience has worn thin. <br /><br />People in my life try to encourage me with the standard clichés: One door closes… If it’s meant to be… I love you all, but I have considered strangling some of you ha ha…<br /><br />When I heard that phrase – “Rejection is God’s projection” – it made me think of all of the things I HAVE accomplished: A master’s degree, a cool job at the DA’s Office, a wonderful man in my life. <br /><br />I still have one semester left until I get my degree and it scares the hell out of me. True, my grades reflect that I am sailing through the program. However, I am busting my a$$ and the term thesis makes me shudder. For the first time in years, I actually LOVE my job. It is only for two months though. The Director of Communications is on maternity leave. The City has no money so they afford to create a permanent position for me, even though the powers-that-be all want me to stay. I am working three jobs to make ends meet right now. <br /><br />“Rejection is God’s projection.” There’s that phrase again; the one that keeps whispering in my ear. <br /><br />I am not sure why that sentenced resonated with me, when others faded away.<br /><br />Everything has been weighing heavily on my heart lately and I needed that smidgen of hope. Maybe I am on the right track after all? <br /><br />Okay, so it sounds cheesy that a fluffy piece on a pop star inspired me to keep working hard – but it did and I will.Alexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-649434423953210352.post-12658329373188793532010-12-29T07:18:00.000-05:002010-12-29T07:20:33.235-05:00It finally dawned on me why I love going to the airportadmit, I am painfully nervous on planes. So much so, I need medicine to calm down. Anyone who sits next to me on the plane - including strangers - have seen my face go white, a blank panicked look in my eyes. My palms sweat. My heart feels like it is going to jump out of my sternum. That being said - I love airports. I love traveling and exploring new places, so the idea of sucking up two or so hours of torture to spend a few days on vacation, is worth it to me. But I was recently watching one of my favorite movies: Love Actually. For those of you who haven't seen it, it will make you laugh, it may make you tear up. It's an ensemble cast of Brits and Americans. The opening scene is at the airport, people hugging and kissing goodbye and hello - with a monologue voice over by Hugh Grant. I will always be a die hard romantic.<br /><br /> <br /><br />"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends.<br /><br /><br />When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around."<br /><br /> <br /><br />~ Hugh Grant as Prime Minister in Love Actually (2003)Alexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-649434423953210352.post-19964515743306480152010-09-10T20:49:00.003-04:002010-10-06T00:56:29.866-04:00I got an internet tattoo<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO44HDGokfpWwyUZMnJpGPxaSIPOwcWVzPIDRIwI8XuPIB2hbEp-DHS4PD1Y3yMgrLS7vwsGKNQcgV5ktArCTFynp5VEccotdu3N41ZQrPO4zql6Ifd1wUputhIEzCuUQEKZg1B_vLX0w/s1600/us6.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO44HDGokfpWwyUZMnJpGPxaSIPOwcWVzPIDRIwI8XuPIB2hbEp-DHS4PD1Y3yMgrLS7vwsGKNQcgV5ktArCTFynp5VEccotdu3N41ZQrPO4zql6Ifd1wUputhIEzCuUQEKZg1B_vLX0w/s200/us6.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5515452624561091538" /></a><br />It’s supposed to be bad luck to get a tattoo with the name of the person you’re dating – a common superstition. It’s almost like you’re asking the powers-that-be (the invisible ones in the love department) to cast a shadow on your currently wonderful relationship. It’s a shadow that could in evidently lead to the demise of the partnership. Then you’re stuck with this person’s name permanently scrawled on your skin for the rest of your life. It’s one thing to have memories of this person; it’s another thing to have a daily reminder of the break-up every time you look in the mirror.<br /><br />I start this post with that in mind. The love of my life knows how much I love to write, pour out my crazy thoughts and perspectives on life, yet he pointed out this week that I have never mentioned him in any of my posts since we got together<br />A new world has emerged in the form of the World Wide Web. It is virtually a living entity, one which is permanent and very public. I do have a private side, but for the most part, I am an open-book, unashamed to share my emotions, thoughts and life adventures - hence, this very blog. <br /><br />When it comes to me writing about him in my blog, though, I feel like I am getting a tattoo with his name on it. Once you put it on the internet, you can’t take it back LOL.<br /><br />I can’t imagine my life without him right now, but I don’t want to “jinx” what we have. I love him dearly, as he is one of the best things that have ever happened to me. It may be superstitious, but I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize the purest love I may have ever felt, aside from my family. We all know that family love, even in its purest form, is different from that of a significant other.<br />Considering he is such a huge part of my life, he is right. I should honor our relationship and introduce you to Jeff. <br /><br />We met on Match. We joke that we should be one of those couples on those commercials. I am 7 years his senior. It’s not as “old” as it sounds though LOL. At this moment I am 33 and he is 26. You wouldn’t know it if you saw us together, maybe it’s because I look a lot younger than 33? We’re just two people very much in love. We have become the best of friends; ones who can have fun doing anything or doing nothing at all, as long as we are together. Sure he is attractive – that’s a given… and I am not saying to this to blow up his ego (as he is very modest)… he is one of the kindest souls I have ever met. Very loving devoted friend. He loves life and I know he loves me. <br /><br />Prior to meeting him earlier this year, I can’t say I had given up on love. I know it exists. I felt it before and I know soooo many people who are immersed in it. It is indescribable. A number of men have floated in and out of my life since my divorce at 28 – but I never found that “click.” That certain spark, one which makes you stops in your tracks. <br /><br />When Jeff contacted me online I blew him off. Who is this (then) 25 year old trying to “land” an older woman? (I can’t believe I just referred to myself as an older woman!) But eventually I gave him my regular email address and then my phone number. It’s like we were just two friends who hadn’t seen each other in a while. <br />He made me dinner for our first date. He went all out. Flowers, candles, etc. Sure, you can say he was trying to get up a seduction scene, but his sweetness prevailed and sucked me in completely. <br /><br />6 months later, we are enjoying every minute together – through thick and thin, he has been my shoulder to cry on, and at times I have been his rock.<br /><br />I hope he is “the one.” I have always been a free-thinker and independent. I am the kind of person who doesn’t rely on another person to make me happy. I know that comes from within. But he has truly brought an unprecedented level of happiness in my life, amidst some of the roughest points in my life. I am blessed to have him in my and I only pray he is here to stay.<br /><br />I am crossing my fingers – this internet-tattoo – doesn’t jinx us now!Alexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-649434423953210352.post-74492403285085974562010-09-09T17:04:00.002-04:002010-09-10T19:59:03.530-04:00Torn between two seasons…<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-n15R146FJOm4XS-rzIZ14oaHKRZgRS53sfetZM06WwUbZSHYnw1cFlsRPlLQIBTOx-ok8-2o5PmQirlDkesZ7mFFJS_60F6mg186dPolJ1-_Sma8czbtnWMt6pHpkh7465OMjHgVoDE/s1600/me.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 287px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-n15R146FJOm4XS-rzIZ14oaHKRZgRS53sfetZM06WwUbZSHYnw1cFlsRPlLQIBTOx-ok8-2o5PmQirlDkesZ7mFFJS_60F6mg186dPolJ1-_Sma8czbtnWMt6pHpkh7465OMjHgVoDE/s320/me.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5515438547747012754" /></a><br />Today is one of those days when you can feel the seasons are changing. Yesterday – September 8 – was HOT, HUMID, SUNNY – 90. It definitely didn’t feel like typical Philly weather, but then again, this summer has felt anything but typical. It is one of the warmest on record. <br /><br />For a former Florida-girl, self declared sun-worshipper, beach lover… days like yesterday are reminiscent of my sweet life in Tampa. It’s a place where it feels like summer all year round. I know I have talked about this before, but, WOW, I miss Tampa. I can still feel the sand from St. Pete Beach under my toes. Everyday has that “vacation day” feeling, even on work-days. I would drive past dolphins swimming in Tampa Bay while on my way into work. For a Northern, it was wild.<br /><br />But after a while, I almost came to take it for granted. Now I am up here, in Philadelphia, and I can feel fall creeping in. “Winds of change.” While it is a cliché there is a reason cliché’s exist, because there is some truth in them. Today is one of those days. The wind shifted, the air is cooler and drier, only reaching into the upper 70s. While it was beautiful outside today, the temperature is almost a shock to the summer skin.<br /><br />That’s the way I felt every time I flew up “north” to visit, while I lived in The Sunshine State. I felt like I needed a week just to thaw out every time I came back. Now that I am a “Northern” again, I guess, the summer weather is starting to feel just like I remember when I was younger. Here today, gone tomorrow.<br /><br />Days like today, though, make you kind of look forward to fall. There is that little bite in the air. You can pull out the jeans and light sweaters. I almost feel like I should be hanging my head in shame, though, when I say that. I feel like I am cheating on a significant other - that being Florida, summer. <br /><br />This summer flew by for me. I was swamped between work and an internship. Saturdays were my only day off. I was at the beach ONE day. It was pitiful. Summer is no fun when it is blistering and you can’t be hanging by the water. Instead, I was sweating in dress clothes, riding on the train, on my way in and out of Center City. Or I was rolling out of bed before dawn and driving 40 minutes to put in a shift at the traffic job.<br /><br />Now that the seasons are starting to shift, so is a phase in my life. I started my 3rd semester of grad school. With the way I scheduled work and school, I will actually have three days a week off for a few months. I may finally be able to finally catch my breath a little and wipe off the sticky summer sweat. Autumn 2010 is an allure for sure. <br /><br />Do I whisper that or say it with pride? With all the craziness in my life and that which bounces inside my head – I think I might yell out the window. Bring it on Mother Nature; I am as ready as I am ever going to be.Alexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-649434423953210352.post-44214138765265330222010-09-04T11:03:00.002-04:002010-09-04T11:04:07.092-04:00In a good placethanks everyone who responded on FB! the previous post wasn't meant to be "depressing" LOL I am just a rather dramatic person ;) I am very fortunate for everything and everyone in my life... just going thru a confusing patch right now.. I love to write, so I put it in my blog. No worries, though, I am forging full-steam ahead!Alexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-649434423953210352.post-86270418120983170392010-09-03T08:58:00.004-04:002010-09-03T09:04:17.101-04:00Balancing a smile and sore soulMy quest to change careers is worse than any marathon I ever ran and I have done three marathons.<br /><br />“They” said TV news was one of the most difficult industries to get into. Yeah, okay. (Insert sarcasm). I managed to land a job as a TV news producer 2 months after I graduated college. Well, it actuality it was at a very small station and I was paid just barely above minimum wage (Thank God I was able to still live at home), I was still able to “land” that first job. Even more difficult, “they” said, would be to land that first “on-air” TV news job. <br /><br />Fast-forward a year later. I was on the road to Fairbanks, AK. Okay, so it was in the Last Frontier, at one of the smallest TV markets in the US. Still, I got a job and I was on my way to a successful decade working in the TV News business. It was a career that took me across the continent, exploring some of the most interesting places in the US, meeting fascinating people, and attending some of the most exciting events I ever dreamed about. The Iditarod. A Space shuttle launch on Independence Day. Reporting live from a helicopter. Presidential visits. The list goes on and on.<br /><br />However, when I rounded the age of 30, my spirit began to fade. Some days the work was honestly boring. For crying out loud, I DO NOT want to go to any more city council meetings! <br /><br />Other days the stress started to weigh heavily on my heart. After ten years, how many different ways can you report on a house fire? I am terribly sorry for the victims and the circumstances are so unfortunate, but how can you do the story justice if the factors are pretty much all the same? Fire + house = injured or deceased victim & displaced residents. <br /><br />I was so sick of knocking on the doors of families and friends who just lost a loved one to an accident, shooting, mishap. (On a side note: The media does take a lot of heat for that type of story, but I do have to say, in my opinion, people at home do watch those stories with a voyeuristic curiosity, even though they would never admit it.)<br /><br />I was tired of standing on the side of the road in a snow storm telling people to stay home. I was sick of getting soaking wet during tropical storms and hurricanes.<br /><br />The TV News business is changing fast. Triple the work and one-third of the pay. Lay-offs and cut-backs are the way of the future.<br /><br />Why couldn’t I have a normal job, a normal life, where you get weekends and holidays off? 9-5 work day? They are all but a dream in “TV News Land.”<br /><br />At 31 I got an epiphany. Make the transition to Public Relations! It is not an uncommon leap for news-professionals. In fact, many people I had worked with in the past are now working in PR in cities across the US. <br /><br />I reluctantly decided to go “home” to Philadelphia, pursue a Masters Degree and pursue a career in PR. Two years later, I am still in school, still working in broadcasting and still looking for a job in public relations. It is incredibly humbling to be an intern at 33. Yes, intern = work for free. An entire summer spent at the Philadelphia District Attorney’s Office. Saturdays were my only day off. Now I am entering my third semester of grad school and I am starting another internship – this one at a small PR agency. <br /><br />It is a sacrifice I continue to make in order to build my resume and experience. I have re-formatted and changed my resume more times than I can remember. I am networking. I am pretty much doing “all I can do” to get the “first job.”<br />Everyone tries to sooth my fears. “Be patient,” they say. “Something is bound to happen.” I am starting to question my quest for a career in PR and my pursuit for a higher education. Yet, when I take a hard look at my career options, I can’t fathom going back into TV. Even though I know I was very good at my job, I know I would be miserable. I hate sales. Business bores me. <br /><br />I apply and apply and it feels like the resumes get sucked into some black hole. I am getting the impression employers see my extensive work history and experience and put my resume in the trash. Either I am over-qualified for an entry-level position, which they think they can’t meet salary expectations or they think they won’t be able to keep me very long… or I am under-qualified for a senior-level position. I need a job, people. I don’t care about a high salary at this point.<br /><br />I am sending out an S-O-S. I am waving the white flag. Someone please assure me my efforts are not in vain.<br /><br />I ran my first marathon in 2007. It was the most challenging and rewarding feat I ever encountered. At this point, my quest to enter the PR world, in its own way, has matched, perhaps even surpassed, the mental and physical energy to finish a marathon. I am tired and sore. I have blisters. <br /><br />If I ever thought I would be in the same place two years later, I don’t think I would have taken this route. But I did. I am here. I must keep on, keeping on.Alexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-649434423953210352.post-7999023169316953122010-05-21T08:41:00.002-04:002010-05-21T08:47:50.244-04:00ATTENTION CVS CAREMARK!I noticed a charge on my PNC bank account on 5-14-2010 from "caremark mail" for $160.<br /><br />I have not been a caremark customer for a year! when i called caremark - i spoke to several reps this week - and ALL of them found no record of any charges on my acct - let alone one for $160! <br /><br />The situation has been forwarded to "billing". I WAS supposed to hear back via phone to me, withine 24 hours. THAT WAS MONDAY. TODAY IS FRIDAY. <br /><br />Conveniently there is no number that I can directly contact billing - they have to contact me. It's Bull $-it as far as I am concerned.<br /><br />Meantime, I am -$109 balance in my account, PLUS overdraft fees!<br /><br />THIS MUST BE RESOLVED ASAP! it is insane! I have bills to pay! There is absolutely no reason for this charge! I have not even received any products in the mail relating to such a charge, yet your company now has my money, WITH NO EXPLANATION!<br /><br />I smell IDENTITY THEFT! SCAM! Poor Customer Service at the VERY LEAST!Alexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-649434423953210352.post-70069487863414129062010-03-19T05:12:00.003-04:002010-03-19T05:47:12.261-04:00Losing my Zane<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYIE7wWvRzFhpdAbRovQ0gk8oG1_XVqynNCSUtvzx_LN1_76ACPQmf9LtlFfw82TMeS8Zc6PqCaAddKYyFSrtPB9lfWqc1sNwQm0JjviRPD-fZBkfaVuocOKSq7ngf1-0Vv-8IVamUIgo/s1600-h/z.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYIE7wWvRzFhpdAbRovQ0gk8oG1_XVqynNCSUtvzx_LN1_76ACPQmf9LtlFfw82TMeS8Zc6PqCaAddKYyFSrtPB9lfWqc1sNwQm0JjviRPD-fZBkfaVuocOKSq7ngf1-0Vv-8IVamUIgo/s320/z.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5450279255312376658" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJa8iRZ1AKSX_D5IO35Begudo0nrhSBwyNdYXoWg3E2fDU0ljBDErHCqYNYxCwG9ZRdOpKF6vir2aTDpIB04cu-L7QdYDr3jqJ20R9MNcVzjOz3wRQHRWgPnq73elzdQDAloOGzT1Ov44/s1600-h/z2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 308px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJa8iRZ1AKSX_D5IO35Begudo0nrhSBwyNdYXoWg3E2fDU0ljBDErHCqYNYxCwG9ZRdOpKF6vir2aTDpIB04cu-L7QdYDr3jqJ20R9MNcVzjOz3wRQHRWgPnq73elzdQDAloOGzT1Ov44/s320/z2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5450279182557709106" /></a><br />"I never gave much thought to how I would die. But dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go. Death is peaceful. Life is harder."<br />-Bella Swan, Twilight<br /><br />I lost my Zane. I can't even believe this.<br /><br />He was the love of my life. This may seem extreme to those who never met my cat, but he was quite the character. <br /><br />He was quirky, loving, protective, active, playful. He followed me everywhere around the house. It didnt matter where I went, he followed. If I was doing laundry, he would walk down the steps and watch me put clothes in the washer. Zane slept with me every night, often on me. I would sometimes feel this heavy weight on my chest, and there he was sleeping away. If I was curled in a ball on my side, he would form himself to the shape of my leg and lay on top of it. He loved it when I scooped him up in my arms, cradled him like a baby and scratched his tummy. He purred so loud it sounded like a motor.<br /><br />Zane and his twin sister, Isabelle, came into my life in September 2002. I was living in Northeast Pennsylvania and they were given to me - part of a litter of feral kittens born in the wild. I didn't ask for them. My ex in-laws rather dumped them on me, in my opinion, and said something like: "Here these are your's now." <br /><br />They were so young and so small, they fit into the palm of my hand. Zane was defensive and even scratched my hand when I tried to pick him up out the box they were in. I thought to myself, "I am going to give you extra attention to make sure you trust and love me." And that's how it came to be. I know he was just a cat, but there was such a bond.<br /><br />My family's 13 year old german shepard passed away in January. We had to have him put down because he was very sick from cancer.<br /><br />I had noticed Zane sort of hiding out for the last two days. I was in and out of the house all week, so I didn't give it much thought. It wasn't like him to be hiding.<br /><br />he would pop out as soon as he heard me, but I was so busy, I didn't connect the dots. When I got home from school at 9 pm Thursday, my dad told me to look for Zane because he wasn't acting right. I found him hiding behind the couch. I picked him up and his body was limp. He was barely breathing and barely blinking. My heart sunk.<br /><br />It scared me to even hold him. I put him in my dad's lap and we called the vet immediately. I started crying and mom tried to calm me down, by telling me our other family cat got urinary tract infections a few times, that its not uncommon in cats and it makes them lethargic. Something told me it was a lot more than that. I knew in my heart how this was going to end.<br /><br />I held him gently, pet him and talked to him as we quickly got to the vet. The poor baby was jaundice. The doctor said his liver was extremely enlarged and when it gets to this point there is no turning back. Conditions like these are usually the result of some sort of cancer. Since his liver was in failure, the vet said he was purely intoxicated. If we would have taken him home, the doctor said he would surely die a painful death in a few days. I knew what had to be done. The decision was excruciating. I said my goodbyes as he laid so quietly on the table. My dad held me up. I asked him to be there when it was time, because I didn't want Zane to be alone, but I coulnd't watch him go.<br /><br />He is being cremated and we will bury him in the backyard.<br /><br />The four levels of coping with loss: Guilt (I wish I had noticed sooner, but the doctor said there was nothing I couldn't have done). Denial (It feels like he is still around and I am trying not to think about it when I lay in my bed. He laid with me all the time) Anger (I am so angry. Why did this happen just two months after God took my loving and wonderful dog Buddy?) Depression (I am in shock, numb right now)<br /><br />I know I have to focus on the good memories. That's part of why I couldn't bring myself to be there when he was put to sleep. I didn't want to remember him that way. Right now, though, its so painful to believe he is gone. He was not even 8 years old.Alexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-649434423953210352.post-73667485954707677412010-02-14T12:15:00.002-05:002010-02-14T12:34:51.734-05:00everyone deserves to feel that way"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist"<br />-George Carlin<br /><br />Valentine's Day... ahhhh.. the day single people swear was created by Hallmark. It's the day couples make the extra effort to show each other how much they care. Whether you recognize it as a "holiday", it still makes the single people feel REALLY single.<br /><br />I am a die hard romantic, yet when you've been through failed relationships, it is difficult not to become cynical and jaded these days. <br /><br />I do remember what it's like to feel something special. That does not mean I want to re-visit the past at all. You can only look at those times as a learning experience. I have learned a lot about myself. I learned what I want and I don't want. I like myself more than ever now. That, in itself, is worth the journey.<br /><br />I wish all the couples out there nothing but the happiness loves provides. Everyone deserves to feel that way.Alexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-649434423953210352.post-91140377462509607192009-12-25T09:48:00.003-05:002009-12-25T10:26:00.439-05:00Where did it all go? Where to go from here?"It is not the mountain that we conquer, but ourselves"<br />-Edmund Hillary (one of the first to climb Mt Everest)<br /><br /><br />2009 is coming to an end. Only one more week and its gone. Poof. Vanished. <br /><br />I don't know how most people think, but my biggest fear isn't failure. My biggest fear is mediocrity. I NEVER want to be average. <br /><br />My parents told me when I was little - "I walk to the beat of my own drum". I didn't understand what they meant at the time, but now I can see how accurate they were.<br /><br />If someone were to put my life's path on a chart... you wouldn't see a steady line rising at a 45 degree angle. Instead, there would be a LOT of zig zags. I have experienced many highs and many lows in life, but its been a colorful life nonetheless.<br /><br />What did I do in 2009? <br /><br />I ran a half marathon in Tampa in March. I ran the Broad St Run in Philly in May (10 miles). I went to Florida twice. I was in my dear friends', Jen and Jeff, wedding. I took my cousin's 18 month old son to the jersey shore for the day just so he could see the ocean for the first time. I spent a weekend with my mom, my sister, my "aunt", and friend on a boat on the Chesepeake Bay one weekend which was delightful. <br /><br />I started my first semester of grad school. I finished my first semester of grad school. (Ha ha) I did it with excellent grades too!<br /><br />I wanted to do another road race... just couldnt fit that into my schedule. I wanted to make more money... well, so do the rest of us LOL! I wanted to secure a full-time job in PR, but it is what it is.<br /><br />There were setbacks too... some I choose not to share... I lost loved ones, expected and very unexpected.. and it makes you wonder about the bigger picture. Still, you push through. What else can you do? You make sure those around you know how much you love and appreciate them and you stay true to yourself.<br /><br />Up to this point I have achieved every goal I have set for myself. I think i took it for granted.<br /><br />So, with new career and life goals on my plate, things aren't coming together for me as quickly as I had hoped, or taking longer than I had hoped. it is frustrating and disheartening. My parents say I expect way too much too soon.... I say I can never have enough.<br /><br />What do I want for 2010? I am starting to train for a marathon on March. I hope all the stars align so I can make it a good race! A few pounds lighter would be awesome, hopefully the increased training will help with that.<br /><br />I intend to visit Florida a few times to visit my BFF's. I can't stay away from them, the weather and the beach! I will finish my second semester of grad school. I will continue my push into the formal public relations venue...and i will broadcast the traffic reports on the radio. <br /><br />But sitting here today, thinking about all of this, I am telling myself to try to enjoy life for what it is today... not wish it away for things that may... or may not happen.Alexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-649434423953210352.post-59050288035405499222009-11-16T23:33:00.003-05:002009-11-17T00:02:57.198-05:00sleepy head, busy mind"How do people go to sleep? I'm afraid I've lost the knack. I might try busting myself smartly over the temple with the night-light. I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things." ~Dorothy Parker, journalist, writer, poet<br /><br />That's a quote from Dorothy Parker about insomnia. It's a creature that taunts me, which apparently reared its ugly head to a fellow journalist, writer and poet. Trend, I wonder?<br /><br />Parker is a gem. She was a rouge. She is a well known writer from the early 1920s to the 60s, the kinda lady who just didnt give a crap what guys had to say. She wrote from her heart, with weapons for words from a pen with a penchant for sharp wit. She wrote for the New Yorker, Vogue, Vanity Fair. She was a book reviewer, also a hollywood screenwriter and playwrite.<br /><br />I feel a kinship to her for two reasons. When ever I read her works, it is like she is reading my mind. Its a scary place ha ha. Second, I find this quote about insomnia and a lightbulb goes on... so to speak.<br /><br />According to dictionary.com insomnia is the inability to get sufficient sleep, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep. My insomnia doesnt mean I stay up all night every night staring at the ceiling... although that has happened in the past... more than once. I went into work for my traffic job on no sleep. I had no choice. I have to be there at 4am and when prescription meds dont work, its rough.<br /><br />Sometimes insomnia means I lay there, thoughts racing about anything or nothing. I overthink everything anyway, so it's no wonder. <br /><br />I have been on a 4a-noon shift for more than 5 yrs and thats when the sleep problem worsened ten fold. my body clock is going counter clockwise.<br /><br />Sometimes I get to sleep only to wake up an hour later wide awake. It is so frustrating. Then at 1pm when I get home from work I barely get my head on the pillow and I am out like a light. I sleep so hard that I forget where I am ha!<br /><br />I know where I am right now though. I am sitting in bed at midnight. I am home from a night class watching tv, browsing online, writing this blog entry. I am starting to get tired. I hope for a full night of sleep. That means one lunesta. six pillows. One of those over my head. One pillow under my arm. The tv is on quietly. I will most definitely wake up at least once, hopefully just to cognitively roll over. <br />I dont have to get up at 4am... so that is a blessing. <br /><br />But... insomnia or not... I turn again to a quote from Dorothy Parker...<br /><br />"Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!”Alexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-649434423953210352.post-2308174273856598502009-11-11T22:33:00.004-05:002009-11-11T23:36:09.468-05:00waiting for someone to dieA journalist is rarely at a loss for words, but there is an absense of adequate adjectives when describing what it is like to cover the story of a criminal who is being put to death.<br /><br />It's such an eerie feeling, waiting for someone to die.<br />While personally I am not opposed to the death penality, I can't imagine what it must be like to watch the clock tick, the minutes evaporate, the seconds disappear until you take your last breath. All of this while a panel of people watch and stare at you in this state of dispair and fear, finality.<br /><br />A few years ago, I reported on the case of Danny Rolling. He was a convicted serial killer in Florida. He is a man who brutally killed five college students at the University of Florida in August 1990. 15 years had passed and his appeals ran out. The day his death sentence would be carried out had arrived. The prison is in Starke, Florida. It's a town, literally, in the middle of no where. It's the back woods of Florida. It's the kind of town where hanging at Burger King is the hot spot at night. The prison is located right outside town and it is the heart of the economy there. <br /><br />It was a media circus that day. TV news live trucks, reporters, photographers, gawkers, protesters. We all waited across the street from the prison waiting for updates on Rolling's last day. We got word of his visit with visit with his brother and spiritual advisor. We were informed of his last meal. The hours slipped away. All we - the media - could do at that point, was wait for this man to die.<br /><br />I found myself looking up at the prison from time to time, its barbed wire fences and walls, trying to image the scene inside. It's something I still can't wrap my head around.<br /><br />I wasn't one of the journalists who witnessed his death. There were a few among the panel who had been selected, among a pool who had volunteered, to sit and watch Rolling get the lethal injection. It's standard. It's part of the duty of being a journalist, if you can bare it. Your role calls for witnessing history, acting as the public's eyes and ears, making sure the sentence is carried out the way it is intended. I am not sure if I ever would sign up for that duty. I know there is a part of me who could certainly handle the task, however another part of me is ashamed at the macabre curiousity.<br /><br />I am writing this post tonight, having learned of the death of the DC Sniper. 48-year old John Allen Muhammed convicted of killing 10 people during a three week shooting spree in 2002 with the help of a teenage accomplice. He was put to death last night via lethal injection at a Virginia prison.<br /><br />Word of his death brings back the day I covered Rolling's last day alive inside that Florida prison.<br /><br />I never met the man. I never covered the murders he committed. They happened across the state, many years earlier, when I actually was in middle school in Pennsylvania. At that time he wasn't even a blip on my teenage radar.<br /><br />While Rolling may have justly deserved what he had coming to him on that day in 2005, it left me with a sour taste in my mouth. I had to sit and wait, on an hot and humid summer afternoon in a desolate field, outside blank, cold prison walls. I had to sit and imagine, sit and wait for this man to die.Alexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-649434423953210352.post-74513392264680337402009-10-31T08:42:00.005-04:002009-10-31T09:22:33.726-04:00Going home...."Parents can only give good advice and put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands." - Anne Frank<br /><br />It's been a little over a year since I moved from Tampa to Philly. It meant living on my own... to moving in with my parents. I knew I needed a change in my life. It was time for a new career, heading to grad school.... but living with mom and dad for the first time in ten years. The idea was questionable at best.<br /><br />I have never cared much about what other people thought about me, but I did wonder now that, now that I am in my 30s and back in the same bed that I slept in High School.<br /><br />Dad flew down to Tampa. My friends and I packed up the moving truck we rented and we drove up to PA in the Fall of 08. I cried the entire drive out of Florida. I knew I was making the right decision for my life, but the pain was palpable. I was leaving such a nice life behind. My close circle of friends remain there. The area is beautiful. So many memories.<br /><br />While I have had to make a lot of adjustments, emotionally and physical, after coming back, my parents have been wonderful.<br /><br />I havent lived here in ten years. I got lost in my own town. I struggled to find work in the worst economy in decades. I was constantly cold 6 months out of the year - a spoiled sun brat as a result of 4 years in Florida. I had to get an acct with a tanning salon to keep my sanity. I had no sweaters. I had no closed-toed shoes aside from my sneakers.<br /><br />Most of my belongings remain in storage. I am a full-grad school students with two part-time jobs, commuting an hour back and forth to school three days a week. I long for a full-time job in the industry I am studying. I want so badly to move closer to the city, on my own, making new friends. Developing a circle of friends is difficult when you are in the burbs and all your "old friends" are married with children now. I am not out painting the town red, so to speak, but maintaining those friendships - different now - we're both in different paths in our lives. I am getting so homesick for Florida lately. I have never felt this way before.<br /><br />My parents have been encouraging, supportive, generous. They welcomed me back home. We have a kind, close relationship and being here has only made our bonds stronger. For that I am eternally thankful. I don't know how I will ever re-pay them. They insist I have nothing to feel guilty about - that this is what parents do. Besides - mom does my laundry and makes me dinner. Dad, a retired owner of auto-mechanic and transmission rebuilding business, looks after my car. I live here for free. In a world of uncertainty, two-part time jobs and school, this part ain't so bad.<br /><br />The desire to move out is about independence, not a horrible experience living here. My dad and I had one fight over our cats. Yes, it was that trivial. My mom yelled at me once when I was eating cereal. I was half asleep and apparently answered her in a tone that was received as disrespectful. She went off the wall. My dad and I sat there puzzled. We both know she was in a bad mood, although we didnt know why, and it really wasn't that I did something wrong LOL.<br />Considering I have been here for 15 months and only encountered two arguements. I think thats a good track record.<br /><br />I am very busy and they give me privacy. The only thing they ask is, that they know if I am coming home at night, to give them some peace of mind. I haven't really dated, so having a guy come over hasn't been an issue ha ha...<br /><br />I feel like my life is in limbo. "Everyone" tells me to have "patience" - what I want will come in time. But let's be real - thats an easy thing to say to someone when you are living on your own, have a full-time job in your industry, have a tight circle of friends, and possibly a solid relationship with a significant other.<br /><br />So I keep pushing forward, I keep waiting, I keep working and going to school. I will be honest, I want to go back to Florida. Maybe my path will lead me back after grad school next year.<br /><br />In the mean time, being "home" again is like living in a comfort bubble. It will always be there. I know I am always welcome at home.Alexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-649434423953210352.post-69307986980953466602009-10-30T11:32:00.004-04:002009-10-30T11:53:27.597-04:00She puts coffee in her coffeeIf anyone took away my coffee I would be homicidal. Guartunteed. Don't test me. This is serious business, folks. I need my fix. It ain't just a morning thing, either. It's all day every day.<br /><br />It starts before the sun comes up. The aroma of the fresh coffee beans out of the mini-grinder, it wafts across the house, as the coffee pot fills up with the deliciousness. It sounds like a commericial but its music to my ears, nose and taste buds. I am snagged, hook, line and sinker.<br /><br />I must go through at least two travel mugs during my early morning shifts. Then other cups through the day. When I head to job #2, I cruise through Starbucks for the grande size. Their brew is S-T-R-O-N-G. Good stuff! Talk about a pick-me-up!<br /><br />There are days at Starbucks when I want a latte (fat free, sugar free vanilla), or an iced coffee (cream and two splenda). There are even times when I lust for a lite frap. When all is said and done I just love coffee. It's plain and simple. The taste, the smell, the flavors, the options, the convenience, the energy.<br /><br />I can't be the only person who feels this way. Coffee places are popping up everywhere. It's like cancer. We're turning into zombies, zooming around with a glazed look on our faces clutching the brown steaming crack in our palms.<br /><br />My former co-workers in Tampa would laugh at me. We'd be driving from one random story to another, when I would announce something like "hey, make a left at this light, go one block and there's a Panera on the right". That was my indication it was time to get Hackett another cup of coffee. I had "coffee radar". I knew every place that sold coffee-to-go within a 4 county radius,<br />My coffee dealers are EVERYWHERE.<br /><br />We lead such busy lives and we need a big kick in the ass to get through the day. Well, at least I do :) <br /><br />I stop at Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts when I am at school - yes, they are both on campus. It's turned into an addiction and an obession. Do they have C.A. meetings?<br /><br />I don't want to say, "I can quit any time I want", because I don't think I could. I LOVE coffee.<br /><br />"You put coffee in your coffee",<br />-David, "Dream for an Insomniac"Alexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-649434423953210352.post-24229453884138030112009-10-27T09:07:00.004-04:002009-10-27T09:30:50.093-04:00A Phillies Fan Speaks Out<strong>"They can because they think they can"<br />-Virgil<br /></strong><br />I admit it. I don't really follow professional sports. I don't really pay attention to teams unless 1) I am at a game (which are fun) 2) at someone's house for a get-together. And 3) they make the play-offs. I am not ashamed to say it. You call me what you want lol. I wasn't raised in a house of die-hard fans. My mom and dad watch football at home on a Sunday. That's about it.<br />I have been to games, but I never caught fan-fever. That's until the Phillies went to the World Series last year.<br /><br />For the first time in my life I started to understand what the fuss is all about. I watched each game in the playoffs. I watched every game in the World Series. Yeah I am 32, but I got a crush on Chase Utley and maybe even Cole Hamels, but I know, take a number ha ha.... what can I say, i got thing for men in uniform... and well I'll save that subject for another day :)<br /><br />I watched the Eagles towards the end of last year's season and I started watching the Phillies again this year when they took on the Dodgers. I don't own any sports shirts or hats. I don't rush out into the streets and cheer when they win. I didn't even get to the parade last year (although that had more to do with the Septa crisis).<br /><br />My point - you don't have to be "die-hard" to be a fan. I am from Philadelphia. These teams represent our city. Philly is a love or hate place. You either love it or you hate, no in-between emotions. Philly has been starving for a win for decades. Fans were disappointed every single year with every single sports team. For once, they got their wish. The Phillies are the world champs.<br /><br />Now its time to do it again. It's sure to be a big battle - maybe even more so than last year. They are defending their title AND they're taking on the Yankee (and its dynasty).<br /><br />I am a fan no matter what you "die hards" say about people "like me".<br /><br />I want our guys to kick New York's a$$. I want us to show New York, and the rest of the world, we may be the smaller city, but we have guts, glory, talent and heart.<br /><br />No matter what happens at the World Series, though, WE already know the guts, glory, talent and heart are the epitome of Philadelphia.Alexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-649434423953210352.post-69069235124226876982009-10-26T06:50:00.000-04:002009-10-26T08:45:46.969-04:00where to begin....."For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."<br />- Steve Jobs [Commencement Address to Stanford students]<br /><br />After a decade as a TV News Reporter, I decided it is time to change careers. I am back to school, a grad student at Temple University in Philadelphia. My life has been quite a journey. This blog explores my journey up to this point and perhaps where it will lead from here.Alexandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09172524487848643580noreply@blogger.com0