Monday, November 16, 2009

sleepy head, busy mind

"How do people go to sleep? I'm afraid I've lost the knack. I might try busting myself smartly over the temple with the night-light. I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things." ~Dorothy Parker, journalist, writer, poet

That's a quote from Dorothy Parker about insomnia. It's a creature that taunts me, which apparently reared its ugly head to a fellow journalist, writer and poet. Trend, I wonder?

Parker is a gem. She was a rouge. She is a well known writer from the early 1920s to the 60s, the kinda lady who just didnt give a crap what guys had to say. She wrote from her heart, with weapons for words from a pen with a penchant for sharp wit. She wrote for the New Yorker, Vogue, Vanity Fair. She was a book reviewer, also a hollywood screenwriter and playwrite.

I feel a kinship to her for two reasons. When ever I read her works, it is like she is reading my mind. Its a scary place ha ha. Second, I find this quote about insomnia and a lightbulb goes on... so to speak.

According to insomnia is the inability to get sufficient sleep, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep. My insomnia doesnt mean I stay up all night every night staring at the ceiling... although that has happened in the past... more than once. I went into work for my traffic job on no sleep. I had no choice. I have to be there at 4am and when prescription meds dont work, its rough.

Sometimes insomnia means I lay there, thoughts racing about anything or nothing. I overthink everything anyway, so it's no wonder.

I have been on a 4a-noon shift for more than 5 yrs and thats when the sleep problem worsened ten fold. my body clock is going counter clockwise.

Sometimes I get to sleep only to wake up an hour later wide awake. It is so frustrating. Then at 1pm when I get home from work I barely get my head on the pillow and I am out like a light. I sleep so hard that I forget where I am ha!

I know where I am right now though. I am sitting in bed at midnight. I am home from a night class watching tv, browsing online, writing this blog entry. I am starting to get tired. I hope for a full night of sleep. That means one lunesta. six pillows. One of those over my head. One pillow under my arm. The tv is on quietly. I will most definitely wake up at least once, hopefully just to cognitively roll over.
I dont have to get up at 4am... so that is a blessing.

But... insomnia or not... I turn again to a quote from Dorothy Parker...

"Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!”

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