Monday, January 10, 2011

Rejection is God’s projection

I was watching the E! entertainment channel of all things last night, when a one-hour special came on about Katy Perry. Up to that point, I only had known a few things about her: she put out a gospel album while she was a teenager, she sang “I Kissed a Girl” and a few other pop hits, and she married British comedian/actor Russell Brand last year. She’s different and intriguing and I found myself watching the show.

I did not know, up until that show last night, that she quit school in freshman year, got her GED, eventually moved to Hollywood as a young adult. She tried and tried for years to break into the business. Her car was re-possessed twice. She was essentially broke. However, she continued to run with the in-crowd, put up the façade that she was successful – eating only a salad or baked potato at a restaurant dinner with friends – so they wouldn’t know she couldn’t afford anything else. She was picked up by two labels during her first years in CA, and subsequently dropped. She told herself if she didn’t make it by 25, she would find a new path for herself. At that point in the documentary, she turned to the camera, smiled and said:

“Rejection is God’s projection.”

That phrase hit me like a brick.

I have been searching for a sign that things in my life will turn around, and in that split second I got the message I needed to hear.

Two and a half years of pushing and shoving my way into a new profession, resumes that end up black holes, a few fruitless job interviews, money struggles. The list goes on and my patience has worn thin.

People in my life try to encourage me with the standard clichés: One door closes… If it’s meant to be… I love you all, but I have considered strangling some of you ha ha…

When I heard that phrase – “Rejection is God’s projection” – it made me think of all of the things I HAVE accomplished: A master’s degree, a cool job at the DA’s Office, a wonderful man in my life.

I still have one semester left until I get my degree and it scares the hell out of me. True, my grades reflect that I am sailing through the program. However, I am busting my a$$ and the term thesis makes me shudder. For the first time in years, I actually LOVE my job. It is only for two months though. The Director of Communications is on maternity leave. The City has no money so they afford to create a permanent position for me, even though the powers-that-be all want me to stay. I am working three jobs to make ends meet right now.

“Rejection is God’s projection.” There’s that phrase again; the one that keeps whispering in my ear.

I am not sure why that sentenced resonated with me, when others faded away.

Everything has been weighing heavily on my heart lately and I needed that smidgen of hope. Maybe I am on the right track after all?

Okay, so it sounds cheesy that a fluffy piece on a pop star inspired me to keep working hard – but it did and I will.